My name is Turanga Leela. Most people just call me Leela. I am the Captain of a space ship for a delivery company. It's owned and operated by the 171 year old mad scientist nephew of my boyfriend. Just another boring life right? Anyway, I have a big problem right now. I am pissed off with robots. Especially male robots. Okay one male robot in particular. Bender Bending Rodriguez. He works for the delivery company too, although i am not quite sure what he does besides drink, smoke and smuggle hooker-bots on board. And steal everything robotly possible from us "stupid meatbags." He is roommates and besties with my boyfriend. Did I mention I have a boyfriend?
Lately when I attempt to go on a romantic date with my--I guess you can call him my boyfriend. I mean we have said we love each other and stuff but more of a commitment than that seems to scare Mr. Phillip J. Fry. Anyway Bender somehow ends up coming along. Heck, it isn't just romantic dates, it's any date anymore. Every time we try to go somewhere together, Bender is there like a sad frakking puppy-bot, wanting to follow us. Usually I give in and we all end up going to some bar thats serves Olde Fortran and LoBrau rather than the romantic dinner at Elzar's Fine Cuisine that we had planned.
Once we say yes, he gets all "Bender is great!!" and is almost his normal self.
Several Months ago at Planet Express
It had all started right after Amy and Kif's Fon Fon Ruu ceremony. He watched them with little oily tears in his robo eyes. "I'll never have that. Someone to watch over me. Well, someone not in law enforcement"
Then there was the whole Proposition Infinity.txtident. He was so set on marrying Amy and legalizing robosexual relationships until that one pesky word was mentioned. monogamy. That does not compute with Bender like the words honesty and law abiding. Can't say as I blame him , monogamy is so Mars-hillbilly-ish but don't tell Amy that I think so. .txte Bender broke up with Amy, he has been a little dumpy. He doesn't hang around with his favorite hooker-bots anymore. I even suspect he isn't stealing as much. Then he gets so upset when Fry spends time with me. Is he jealous of me? He never seemed to bend in that direction. Is it just the time I spend with Fry or is it the sex? Who am I kidding?? This is Bender. It's both.
Right now at Fry and Bender's Apartment
I think I have found a way to get my boyfriend back and make Bender happy too. Invite him to join us. It's legal now so we wont have to hide, we just have to hide from our robophobic boss. Plus I like having a dirty little secret. It makes life more interesting if you can lose your job over whom you choose to love. Just gotta wait for the right time to mention the subject.
Five minutes later
"Hey Bender! You want to have sex with me and Fry?" Leela asks the robot.
"At the same time??" Bender replies.
"Of course at the same time! I'm a hip, sophisticated New New Yorker just like you."
"Fry is this okay with you? Bender asks in an apprehensive tone.
"Whatever." Fry murmurs in a disinterested tone. His attention is on the .txtent Price movie marathon on Fishy Joe's Classic Films channel.
"Bender!!! What are you doing?? Why is your hand in my pants??" Fry yells in shock, the screamed words ending on a high squeaky note of alarm.
"You said it was okay!!"
"I thought Leela said you want to have sex with her and the fly. You know Leroy over there."
Bender looks over to see a man sized fly named Leroy in the corner. He says with a slight buzzy accent, "Whhaat no llllove for lllerrrrrooy??"
"NO," Leela exclaims. "I said sex with me and Fry, you Phillip Fry."
"Oh. OH!! Sure, sex with Bender sounds like it would be all bendy and stuff," says Fry. He then grins and chortles "HE HE HE!! Bendy!!"
Fry strips to his tighty whiteys and says, "How do we do this?"
Bender's hands start to rotate and his arms extend. A slight whirring noise can be heard emanating from the robot's torso.
"Oooh kinky!! Mama likes, purrs Leela and the door to the closet closes.
Several hours later
Bender, Fry and Leela are laying together in bed. All three are smoking cigars.
"I heard the stories but I had no idea they were true," Leela says in a very sated tone.
"Yep, there's nothing like some Bender loving," replies the robot.
Some time later
Scruffy is complaining to Hermes. "I can't get rid of the darn owls because every time I go to get the owl traps, those three are in the storage closet bumping uglies."
"What? Who is bumping uglies?" asks Hermes.
"They're in there right now." Hermes and Scruffy go to the storage closet in the main conference area.
"What's this ? A game?" Zoidberg asks."I want to play." Everyone ignores him as usual. The entire crew crowds around the door to see whats there.
Hermes opens the closet and a half naked Fry, a mostly naked Leela, and a totally naked Bender tumble out.
Professor Farnsworth asks the two of them "Leela and umm oh yes Bender, what are your intentions toward my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great uncle? Will you do the right thing?"
Bender makes the big romantic gesture and gets on bended robo-knee. Torgo's Instant Polyamorous Robosexual Triad Engagement Kit is seen among all the mess from the closet.
"See I had all this planned when we got distracted by our hot robosexuallove fest. And now, Fry and Leela, wanna get hitched?"
Some more time later
So here we are, me and my two fiancés, curled up in bed together after celebrating our love.
Just before we all fall asleep, I hear my favorite robo-fiancé whisper one little phrase. It sounds almost like a benediction.
"Kill all humans."