It was never that she loved Spex more than Katana, it was that she loved them equally.
She loved them both equally, and it hurt to do that to Katana, hurt to betray him like that, but it was a sacrifice she had to make. She had to chose Spex for the good of the LXD, for the good of the shaky peace they'd managed to create. Katana understood that, didn't hold it against her, but she still didn't like having to do it. She missed king-sized beds, missed waking up with two people curled around her, missed the way Ra flowed between them like water and how it always felt different, better, when it was with Spex and Katana.
She never sees Katana anymore. It's not that she doesn't want him around, and it's not that Spex doesn't miss Katana too. She can see it in Spex's eyes, the longing for the warmth of another body in bed, for carefree dance sessions that ended in giggles and kisses. It's just that Katana chose to disappear out of their lives, chose to disappear.
He sent letters addressed to only her sometimes, because he knew Spex would take it as a attack. He knew that sometimes Spex was a little bit too protective of her, even though she could take care of herself. She had always taken care of herself, and she could defeat anyone that dared to cross her path.
Except herself. That was why see needed both her boys beside her, holding her, telling her that she was loved wanted needed appreciated on the days when she went dark and curled in on herself. Katana always seemed to know when Ninjato was in one of her moods, when she was in a dark place that Spex couldn't always pull her out of by himself, because a letter would appear next to her pillow the next morning. It never said where Katana was or what he was doing, only things that meant I love you.
Spex must have known about the letters, must have known that Katana was hovering on the edges of their lives, but he never said anything about it. He never said anything about the way that Ninjato was sometimes dancing to songs they pretended didn't exist when he came home. He never did anything but join in and she always fell into it and tried not to focus on the glaring and obvious hole in their choreography. They never talked about it, because it was better not to. It was better not to open that can of worms and then have to try and find Katana, because they both longed, ached, yearned for him. It was better not to rip open the awkwardly-healed, glaring wound on both their hearts.
That's why they didn't really dance anymore. At least, not the way they used to.
There was no Ra flowing, no energy swapping, nothing. It was just regular dancing now, still polished and flawlessly executed, but without using their powers. There was no need to use their powers, because everything was peaceful. The world was at peace, and it didn't need extraordinary dancers anymore.
But things change, and Ninjato should have expected it. She should have expected that when she saw Katana for the first time in years her heart would pound out of her chest, but her head would be telling her that this was no coincidence. This was no accident, because seeing him meant that there was something else going on and they needed to work together again. There was no time now for stolen kisses and tangled fingers, so when Katana reaches for her hand, Ninjato pulls away.
"We'd better not," she says softly.
Katana nods, knowing that it's not what either of them wants. All of them want the same thing, but there are certain sacrifices that have to be made for the good of everyone. They start walking, and it's only because Ninjato is so deep in her own thoughts that she doesn't see them. She doesn't see them, and when Katana blocks the first one it's a surprise.
Falling into old habits is never very hard, though, and Ninjato is fighting before she's even fully aware of what's going on. Her body moves, and Ra flows through her. She knows this will not be a battle she can win, knows that this is the beginning of something that the LXD will need to fight, but she fights anyway. She fights and she fights and she fights—even as she's being held back and she can see Katana fighting, can see that this is another sacrifice she has to make.
"Go," she pleads, "Go and warn the others, Katana. I'll be okay, I can take care of myself."
Ninjato can feel the slight flare of Ra, can tell that Katana is trying to feel the future, can see the despair in his eyes before he turns and runs away from the battle. Her captors are dragging her away, and Ninjato drops her head. She knows they will come and rescue her, the question is how long it will take.
I love you, Ninjato thinks, and I know you'll find me. It's not addressed to Spex or Katana in particular, and she knows that they'll probably never know that's what she was thinking as she was dragged away, that she had such undying faith in them, unless she tells them. It still comforts her to think that and know it to be true, so Ninjato closes her eyes and believes.
They will come and save her. Her boys love her, will go to the ends of the Earth for her, and they will work together to do it. They will work together because they need each other, now more than ever. The Uprising is coming and no one is prepared, but Ninjato has faith. She knows that good will win, because her boys are fighting for it and there is nothing in the world that can stop them.blog comments powered by Disqus